Damaged
by Igrayne01
Summary: One-Shot. Two months after saving the galaxy, Commander Angelina Shepard reunites with Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko and the Alliance officer is forced to come face to face with the fact that the woman he once loved is now with someone else.


A plurality of neon lights pulsed in time to the percussive synth rhythms as smoke billowed from underneath the bar up to where the scantily clad Asari women were gyrating on poles. The deafening beats pounded in Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko's ears as he nursed a drink—a serrice ice brandy, nothing too adventurous—his mind too consumed with thoughts of Angelina to have even noticed the young Asari woman fluttering her eyelashes at him from atop her perch.

The exclusive Afterlife Club on Omega was a repository of flagrant tastes and principles. Had the choice been up to Kaidan, he could have chosen someplace decidedly less seedy—and with a better selection of drinks for humans—to meet the commander. He'd made it a point not to accept strange drinks from the bartenders here on principle, seeing as how the last time he did he had woken up, hours later, in the nearby medical ward with a plethora of tubes sticking out of his arms. Thankfully, the ice brandy, strong though it was, packed nowhere near the punch of the last head-spinning drink he'd ingested on this God-forsaken space station. With any luck, he'd make it out with all of his senses still in tact this time.

Leaning one arm casually against the bar top, Kaidan's black eyes scanned the crowd, sifting through the throng of drunken couples that cluttered the dance floor before finally weaving their way to the small security outfit that stood guard beside Aria T'Loak's private lounge. With interest, Kaidan watched the comings and goings of the various guests—informants, no doubt—as they filtered into and out of the lounge with little difficulty.

His presence seemed to have drawn its fair share of stares as well. As his eyes moved back toward the center of the room, he was aware of the whispered conversations and covert glances being flung his way. Trying his best to further blend into his surroundings, he downed the rest of his cup's contents in one gulp and shoved his empty glass toward the nearby bartender.

"I'll take another."

The Turian uncorked a purple-hued bottle and filled his cup brimming full as Kaidan tossed a few credits in his direction.

"You in for a long night?"

"I'm meeting someone," Kaidan corrected him, all business. "Someone special."

"That's what they all say, right before that someone special walks in and stomps their heart to pieces," the Turian said with the barest hint of amusement in his voice. As he spoke, his mandibles flared exuberantly. "It's textbook, really."

Kaidan scowled but said nothing in response, picking up his drink to go scout out a semi peaceful corner of the bar in which to relax. He sunk into the one unoccupied booth with an audible sigh, the synthetic melodies working up a painful buzzing in his head. He wasn't sure whether to attribute the headache to his L2 implant, the drink, the music, or a combination of all three.

Whatever the reason, none of it mattered the moment _she_ walked through the door. There she was, noticeable among the crush of people, her black hair fashioned into a jaunty little bob that framed her face quite nicely. Her figure was a little fuller, though not ostensibly so; it was noticeable only to him because he remembered exactly how those smooth hips felt in his hands, how she had been light as a feather even as he had lifted her up into his lap effortlessly. He liked the changes, and he was certain the extra weight would suit her nicely should they… were they to ever again…

Blushing, Kaidan put the thought from his mind. Now was not the time to allow his thoughts to wander to such places. If anything, after his callous behavior last time, he wanted to present a good image to her so she would not be reminded of how he had overreacted. This was the woman he loved, he told himself. He was bound and determined to win her back, at whatever the cost.

Commander Angelina Shepard approached him tentatively, searching his face for any sign of bitterness, though there was none to be found. Kaidan went forward, his arms encircling her, drawing her into a warm embrace that lasted a few minutes too long. Despite the awkwardness of their meeting—and the fact they were not alone, he now noted from looking to the tall Drell companion who flanked her right side—he savored the physical contact before finally releasing her.

"Commander."

"Don't you think we're past formalities, Kaidan?" her husky voice said. She held him at arm's length as though desperate to escape the embrace. Kaidan couldn't tell what it was about her that had changed. It was not just the extra weight.

"It's hard to break a habit," he said with a close-lipped grin. "I just… it's good to see you again, Angelina."

"It's good to see you too, Kaidan."

"When I think of how we left things on Horizon, it makes me sick. I hope you can forgive me for the things I said. I… wasn't thinking clearly. Seeing you again had me on edge."

"I haven't given it another thought," Angelina replied, her full lips twitching upwards into a smile. "And neither should you."

"Good to hear," Kaidan said with a satisfied sigh. "I'm glad you accepted my invitation to talk face to face. There are a lot of things that need to be said."

"Yes, there are."

"Can I get you a drink?"

"I'm fine."

For the second time, his eyes flitted to the tall, taciturn figure who stood faithfully at her side. His inky pupils expanded and contracted as he set his eyes on the Alliance military officer, the dual lids flicking from side to side with remarkable ease. The Drell's formfitting black attire highlighted sculpted forearms and a slim body, and for the first moment since Angelina's arrival, Kaidan felt threatened by this perplexingly alluring stranger.

"Have we met?" Kaidan's voice dropped to a whisper, the mistrust apparent in his too-quiet tone.

"No, I don't believe we've had the pleasure."

Sensing the tension in the brief interchange, Angelina interrupted by placing herself between the two men, looking from one to the other.

"Kaidan, this is Thane Krios. Thane, my old crew member, Kaidan Alenko."

"That's it?" the man asked, baffled. "After all that's happened between us, you're going to pretend like we're just friends?"

Kaidan's discerning gaze seemed to pick up on the undercurrents of intimacy between the two, betrayed in even the smallest of actions—from the way the Drell's hand balanced on her arm, to the ultra-protective stance he had taken beside her the instant Kaidan's gaze grew clouded, to several other details too numerous to count. At last, his mind was beginning to piece together what had happened in his absence.

He was _too late_.

With a choke in his voice, he asked, "Shepard, are you two _involved_?"

From the look in her eyes, he could tell the question had taken her off guard. Obviously, she was not prepared to answer questions about the nature of the relationship with the Drell, and he wasn't going to press her. He really didn't want to know the details.

Gritting his teeth, he rasped, "I guess I was pretty stupid to come here thinking you'd waited for me all this time. Two years _is_ a long time to wait—especially when you're busy saving the galaxy."

With a nod, he turned to leave, his steps taking on a rhythmic cadence that echoed in time to the music. Before he had gotten very far, the sound of her now pitifully small voice halted him in his tracks, causing him to turn around and face her.

"That's not fair, Kaidan. You said yourself in your last message to me that you went out for drinks with a doctor."

"That was one time, Shepard," the man corrected her tersely, running a hand through his thick black hair. "And besides, going out for drinks doesn't mean bringing her home to my room. That's how she works, isn't it? Romances you and then asks you to spend the night in her quarters." He directed this at Thane, who had been watching silently until now. "I should have seen this coming."

"Kaidan, please!" Angelina said plaintively, wincing at the pain his words inflicted on her.

"I thought we had something special. Do you even remember the night before Ilos? That night meant _everything_ to me… but I guess it didn't mean as much to you. A lot has changed in the last two years. You've changed."

"The only thing that's changed about me since I saw you last is I've saved the galaxy from the Collector threat. I'm still the same person, Kaidan."

"I wish I could believe that, but I can't," he said sadly. "Now please excuse me. I want to leave with at least _some_ of my dignity intact."

Staff Commander Alenko sidled through the crowd, working his way toward the front door with a drink still in hand. Despite the sullen look on his otherwise attractive face, Angelina couldn't help but admire the way his black standard-issue N7 armor was formed to his body. She recalled having peeled away layer after layer of that armor in their haste to disrobe en route to Ilos, the hasty tumble to the bed, and the passion that had soon followed as a result of her invitation for him to bunk with her that night. Consumed by the memory, she hadn't noticed the Drell cozy up beside her and grasp her hand in his. Angelina unleashed a weighty breath, all of the tension escaping from her body.

"You could have said something instead of just standing there," she said at length, slightly disappointed that her assassin had not sprung to action at a moment's notice.

"It wasn't my place to intervene, siha. I'm not even sure it was wise of me to accompany you here, seeing as how delicate the matter is."

Burying her face in her hands, Angelina sunk down onto a nearby stool and signaled for a stiff drink. Although the motion went unnoticed, she ignored the bartender's lack of attentiveness and instead focused her attention on Thane.

"I'm sorry. I'm not thinking rationally here. It's just… Kaidan was special. Had circumstances been different…"

"Yes, I can see that Commander Alenko meant a great deal to you," he observed. "Siha, I know a complication when it rears its head. We made no vows to each other. We are both unbound. I have no wish to be a burden to you. If it is your wish I step aside, then I will do so."

"That's not what I want at all. You misunderstand me."

"Do I?" he asked. It was times like these she cursed the fact she couldn't read him as well as she could a human such as Kaidan, who often wore his heart on his sleeve. "Friedrich Nietzsche once stated that 'the most common lie is that which one lies to himself.'"

"Your point being?"

"You must deal honestly with these things you are feeling. If you do not, there will come a time where you can no longer discern the difference between the truth and the lie, and the lie will consume you. And then, my siha, you will fall into disrespect toward yourself and others."

"I'm not lying—to myself or anyone else. You're the one I want, not Kaidan."

"Then it seems you've already made your decision."

"Indeed, I have," she said without real conviction. Throwing a glance at her surroundings, Angelina added, "Come on; let's get back to the Normandy. I'm sick and tired of this place."

* * *

That night, as Thane slept fitfully in her bed in the captain's quarters, Angelina snuck over to her workstation to catch up on her correspondence. Her inbox was overflowing with spam messages intermixed with candid thank-you notes from those she had helped along her journeys. She fished through them without actually concentrating on the words, her mind straying to the meeting that had taken place mere hours before.

For the first time in what seemed like months, her hand reached for the picture that lay face-down on the desk in front of her. As she shakily turned it upright, a knot formed in her throat. There before her was the handsome visage of the well-groomed Kaidan Alenko staring back at her levelly, as though waiting for some kind of an apology. Her hands trembled as they traced the imaginary contours of his face, tenderly recalling—with the clarity of a synesthete—how all five of her senses had been wrapped up in him. Even just staring at him in the Afterlife Club brought all of the memories back in a jumble of emotions.

Gazing back to where Thane now slept, she replaced the picture face-down on the desk, letting go of the memory a final time. The Drell spoke truly; there was no use living in the past, and it was clear both she and Kaidan had moved on. He had been there for her at a time when she most needed him, but now that their partnership had ended, they had little left in common to bind them together any longer. Thane, on the other hand… he was another story entirely.

Slowly tiptoeing toward the bed where he slept, Angelina slid under the covers and up to the Drell, softly kissing the hollow at the base of his throat, which inflated ever so slightly with every breath he drew. At this action of hers, he stirred slightly, his black eyes waking to life. As he looked down at her, she snuggled closer to him.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" she whispered against the gossamer-like softness of his neck. She fancifully imagined him inflating his neck hood at Kaidan in a display of possessive dominance as his aggressive, protective nature took hold—though that was one thing she would probably never witness, given how unusually calm and even his temperament was and how well he kept his emotions in check.

"Yes, though I must admit I never tire of hearing it."

With a smile, his lips captured hers in a sweet, gentle assault. Tendrils of desire curled through the kiss as she used her tongue to deepen it, probing and prodding to gain access to the velvety recesses of his mouth. Desire and passion surged through her as his expert hands ignited every nerve ending in her body.

In that moment, she was certain, with every fiber of her being, that she had made the right decision.


End file.
